You've been saying it for weeks. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Chondra in the bar about Maxine] Aww, yeah, she's a sweetheart but if she caught us in here together she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it. Gun, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: Richie, I get the money back if the helmet breaks. He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel. Boyd Higgins: Name's Boyd Higgins, but ym friends call me Buck! Do these guys have game? We should put those pictures in the school paper. Just as I thought. And even then I knew it wasn't right. Steve Urkel: King me. Steve Urkel: Well the good news is, my dad will do the operation for you. "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Every day for 6 months. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two. I love my Army. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully. [Urkelbot throws robber into a pile of soupcans]. He just told you to get lost. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. You know what? Harriette Winslow: Carl Otis Winslow, I'm ashamed of you. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Richie Crawford: We're going to play with these toys for 30 days and return them, like Uncle Carl's going to do with his peanut helmet. Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! And there is nothing you can do to ever change my mind. Eddie: No, grandma. Steve Urkel: So, you used me! Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them! The valet gave me a tip. Steve Urkel: [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". Mont gio sam eea!". Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Laura: Wait a second. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. I'm getting dizzy. In Season 1 he was a supporting character and made his first appearance as a background character in Rachel's First Date and had his first major role in "Laura's First Date", however as of Season 2 he was officially considered a main character . Laura: But but, where'd you get that radioactive stuff? Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. Why are you guys dressed like that? Wow, are you wearing a bra? Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. That was a love letter to Eddie Winslow from Eddie Winslow. [laughs] But you never smile! Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. Steve Urkel: Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face? This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. Stefan Urkelle: Go home, go home, GO HOME! Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Rachel Crawford: Honey, how long were you in there? Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Carl Otis Winslow: Well I talked to your boy Squeeze and he won't be bothering you for a long time. Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well? Sergeant Shishka: Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits. My, what strong arms. Eddie has lied . Verbs are our friends. Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. Harriette Winslow: Yeah. Dont you know when you make a mistake, you fess up to it. Laura: Doth thou love me? In fact, do you know what it is Harriet? During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class sign. Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. You ever been down to the slaughterhouse? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Ooh, that's nice! Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. Oh, yes it is! Raoul asked me out, but I told him that I was happily married. Steve Urkel: Ssssh, not while I'm pouring. Ken: You make me wanna puke! Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. Steve Urkel: Then your nasal passages swell and your nose and throat slam shut tighter than a clam. Carl Otis Winslow: Well guess what Harriet, it's not empty. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, put a cork in it, Missy! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Who do you think bought his first pair of shoes? Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. Carl: Rough. No. Your dad's runnin' late. Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure what day is this? Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem? A bee to a blossom. "Tomorrow Dad!" He is portrayed by Jaleel White. Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? People just love juicy gossip! Steve Urkel: No, well, actually it's my Uncle Ernie's hearse. Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Steve Urkel: I can't help it, Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, The real Psycho Twins would have still been in the ring wrestling, If It wasn't for Your stupid sleepy juice. Laura Lee Winslow: No it wasn't. Laura, please. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Look I clued everybody in. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Chain: It occurs to me that you could be wired. Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you? "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? So long! A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Harriette: [sobbing] Clint is driving off and Meryl will never see him again! Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? Carl: Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker. Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to scoop the ashes back into the urn] Lord, forgive me if I come up a foot short! Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep? Eddie: I'm sorry, Steve. Eddie: If I don't pull at least a C on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk Algebra. Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Laura: Sure, Steve. And OOHHH, and him! Donna Santangelo: And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! It's Monday! Wa chee! Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Didn't you? Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. [reading] "Mongu! He's having the same discussion with his father. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [cracks a laugh but tries to stop] It's so sad. Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. He held operations in Chicago. Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Steve Urkel: I'll settle for a toenail clipping! Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. You're making me blush. Harriette Winslow: Why? Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! It is not empty at all. Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded? Laura: Yeah. We were just having a little fun. Refresh my memory. 1. [Waldo and Maxine are dancing to R&B music and professing their love for each other. Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. You're late for class. That's one for the books! Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. When is that party supposed to be. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! The next minute rump roast! Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Steve Urkel: [Pointing to the floor] Him. It's either a number or a letter! I only got the date wrong on one flyer. Harriette Winslow: What a miserable evening. Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. How much will that cost me? Is that the problem? Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Steve Urkel: And lose that wonderful ocean flavor? No. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! I never got less than than an A. Steve Urkel: So, I can't live with that! [someone has just smashed into Lt. Murtaugh's classic car]. Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? Carl: I sure hope so because I'm wearing his underwear. Stefan Urkelle: Good lord, you're a nerd. Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. Eddie Winslow, front and center! Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. It was your free safety. urkel-steve. [laughs]. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. I know how you feel about Laura. They're disgusting. Harriette: Who cares? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. She xeroxed it over and over and over and over and [Steve covers his mouth for one second. Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel. Laura: Sure. Gun, Carl. I'll teach you. And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. Judy Winslow: Who wants to read about cheese? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade. [He leaves the house]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: How did she die? Steve Urkel on CBS? Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. Bushwhacker Luke: 'Cause they couldn't catch her till then! Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. Don't they teach Black History at your school? Carl, you given me a half-eaten box of candy. Steve Urkel: Edo, cheating is like wearing your grandmother's underpants. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Steve Urkel: I think it's because these pants are so loose! Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Empty the cash register! Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! [kisses Laura] Love you. Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Carl Otis Winslow: Like that. Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! I'm here. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, just two weeks. [steps on the gas]. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: The party doesn't start until 9 and my curfew's at 10. Let's just hope we can rub off on him before he rubs off on 3J. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? I was just talking with your grandmother. No Traffic. Steve Urkel: No, it's not okay! Oh! Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing where do they get the strength? Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department? Well, why didn't you tell me? Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Ms. Steuben: Yeah, well Steven, you're not taking Home Ec. It's not fair. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Ms. Steuben: But here you are. I got fifty bucks on the Knicks. Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date. She actually said, "Human Being". You know that? Harriette Winslow: Is this your snowmobile? When are you going to the store? Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Officer Wigglesworth as played by Carl] We're on the same side of the law. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [is chased and hides behind a jock] Hold me back, hold me back. Why would anybody want to kill her? Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie?
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