My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? I am just wondering something just seems very off. Totally relate. I took a job overseas to help the financial situation of my home. But, at the same time I have been for so many years, and still am, the focus of so much of her hate, scorn, and malice I really dont want live with that type of negativity one more day than I have to I am not a therapist. And you can also earn back their trust by showing them that you can change. Over those years the contempt, spite, and hate the false sense that everyone but her was living a great life constantly grasping at some new external source of happiness but never satisfied. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. My now separated wife has called the police on me for suicide watch (ive never been suicidal) and also called childrens aid because I might be a physical danger to our son (the only hitting Ive ever done is on the hockey rink). Never asked how I was, if I am okay, nothing. I just didnt know about it. Why she chose to lie about this i do not know, but she has been clearly hiding things from me for several months. So, dont sabotage your happiness just because your husband left you, and contact these incredible coaches to receive personalized advice about your love life. She says she is doing this for our marriage. Allow grief expression. Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. I cried, yelled, threaten to go to his boss unless he told me the absolute truth. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? Heather omg I read your article you wrote and this is so real I honestly wish I had that support from you Im 26 years old with 2 kids and my life has been hurtful and heartbreaking within my relationship I dont want to drag a long story out but I recently got married in Jan and my husband just left me with no explanation in 2 months of our marriage but I have some proof on my end. He says they have not had sex but it is an emotional affair just as bad or worse! I am truly lost without her. Plus her step mother has been trying to break us up for 10 years. I reached out to her parents for support. She kept calling me perfect for never putting a foot wrong and seemed to twist that to be a negative. What hes regretful about is not leaving. Sometimes you have to keep telling yourself its not you, its really them and they will get theres on there time. Trent Shelton on Facebook is a great motivational speaker. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. He is on disability because of multiple chemical sensitivity. At some point its not worth wondering about your spouse because you can never really rationalize behavior that stems from this kind of illness. They are now together and I know she had feelings for him whilst we were together. He consistently talks down to me, even though I am highly intelligent, like Im a child who needs scolding. Theyre also communities where you can help other members solve their problems. He wont explain this behavior and blames me, acts like he hates me and just has to get our because he cant stand me all of a sudden . He quit texting me while at work (we have lived together all this time. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. But from her doing that, she emotionally checked out from the built up resentment Im sure. I am confused. We were mature, grown ups We did that stuff and left that life long ago?? Knowing myself and how hard I have worked to be where I am in life, being raised in a lovely family, and overcoming another abusive relationships before I knew it was time for me to leave that relationship soon after our 6th anniversary. He hasnt come home in over two months. Oh well, f$%# her! First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. But I did it and discovered 2 empty bottles of butane. I dont think she will ever know how much I loved her and how loyal I was to her. Kept promises: A promise, is a promise, is a promise, unless you are married to a narcissist. After 5 years together my wife left me to be with another man.I was recently diagnosed with serious health issues that are beyond my control and hereditary.She waited till I came from work and met me at the door.She had already quit her job and he was coming to get her. I totally know what you mean. He is more interested in our character, than our comfort. She said that she doesnt want my money.But Im sorry but it is pretty hard to trust her after what she has done.I still love her,after all we have been together for almost 28 yrs. Let go of the past and move on with your life! I am blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends and family to support me .. My wife of 10 years went on a weekend trip with our daughter. Most days everything fine till either side of the visit. Apparently, like the physical pain, and the way I processed that, the emotional pain and mental obsession I suffered, was on automatic; it was a LEARNED response that had obviously been running, on perpetual pain, not unlike continuous *seizure* activity. It really hurts. She never wanted to make it more difficult then it already was for her children. Plus she cheated on me 3 times that I know off. , Back away and give him space. I has been left with no rhyme or reason you can read my earlier blog. Cherish what you had, and work on closing that chapter as you prepare for the next. You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. I am an amazing husband and I am taking it all wrong. Their loss. Two still reside with us. Thanks, If she ever contacts you again say this, never talk to me again. SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. *they need to take some time for themselves article. Always go with your gut instinct and protect yourself until you feel safe again. This isnt him. He is talking of selling the family home. Period. My fianc and I live far away from each other and maybe see each other every other weekend. And it might be wrong but I cant just cut people out of our lives as he has done. Contact a lawyer, or find a friend who knows one. I am going through it myself. Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. Just be prepared if you do this, you may see certain things that can really hurt you. Leave them alone. Then we irretrievably hate. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. He says he takes all bad things & works them for the good of those who believe. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. At the same time, sometimes it is better to know the truth. Would tell them I would rather be at work than at home knowing. My son also gets a survivor benefit which I sparingly use but He mooches food my family you name it. It is just devastating Im loosing her and also wont see my kids as much. He talks to me like if I was his worst enemy. I just cant believe its the same person. So how do you know that a mental illness is there? "I felt as if the person I knew had died. How about being married to a Sociopath who hid his traits before marriage and afterwards used emotional, verbal and physical abuse to control you, who isolated you from family and gave nothing while taking everything. Any pointers or tips will be welcome. During this time my Family saw the truth, because my ex husband and his girlfriend did so many cruel things. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, pretending your heart isn't broken, or putting up walls so you don't get hurt again. The morning came and he started screaming at me. Open the door," said my dad. I think if you Google about them you will also see so many similar traits in the comments (such as yours ) come to light. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. He will go the same thing to someone else- no worries. While cutting your hair may be regrettable, more harmful decisions may result in challenges down the road, such as substance misuse. I will never get over this, I am hurting so much. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you deeply anyway. Photo, Ondine Corewijn/Stocksy. my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. This is my second marriage and the pain is horrific.. And if she cant see that its her loss. Well the next week she filed a pfa against me to leverage her getting the kids half time and support paying child support. Let go of the self-blame. Definitely start working out. But now that they reside with us again. No morals and narcissistic behaviour a lot of people today you can see that with the sort of dating sites out there promoting affairs. 8. She didnt admit the affair part until this week. "We are outside, and it's important.". Respect for you and the marriage: The narcissist will side with others against you, talk behind your back about you, and all the while smile like a Cheshire cat at you. He is selfish and shows no affection for me. People are self-centered and do not think of the people they hurt. Dont be a victim . He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. Your not the only one Focus on yourself and kids. I wish you all the best he still love his ex wife and tell to my face that his only pretending to love me all this years. You will overcome this! I say things before I realize it and then it is just to late I cannot comprehend my life without her. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. I know I need to shake out of this and after the first go round it probably shouldnt hurt this much.. Only it does. F course he blames me.Im hurt , all of my bills are on me.He wont give me any money..hes a heartless man. When he returned he agreed to go to marriage counseling. Call him in a mistake made, water under the bridge. Part of me suspects my wife is one of the mentioned types who craves new love all the time. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. Look for ways you were critical or controlling. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. If you had make a big mistake and dont know how to fix it, your friend or family member will be able to help you figure out what you did wrong. She told our three kids she was leaving before I got back from extended combat training at joint base dix. I split with my ex on Christmas. Well then I would follow up at the dirt cheap stores where she was getting this butane from and I was able to get identification that she was still purchasing this stuff. I do love my husband. The sudden realization sets in: my husband left me. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. Im totally breaking my heart, I never thought this would ever happen hes the best thing that ever happened to me. Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. Always preoccupied doing something other than anything that would require real effort. Hang in there, Remember its not you at all, its him!!!! I dont know if anyone will ever love me again! He is destined to be a pathetic, lonely old man. When I cheated on my husband, I might have liked to pretend it was just about sex, but if I was being honest, I knew it wasn't. It's not always about the other person. I am well aware shes had a difficult life, as have I, and from the moment we started dating I let her know I was always there for her. To make things better. I gave a lot of myself over to my marriage and taking on a lot of stuff trying to be a help mate. I know I must choose what to do because living with this internal struggle is making me sick. The night we separated he told me he loved me but, Not in that way anymore. Im SO GLAD I am off that (not so) Merry go round come roller coaster rides through dark depressive rides in and out of sadness. Does he love her more then me? I still hate him as much today as I did when he told me he was moving out. I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. Depression is difficult to combat and resolve alone. I cannot take you anymore. Thats her me time and its insulting I dare ask that. And you cant necessary believe everything she says. You have to let go of the past and move on with your life. To make it all worse, I had no idea. But he hurts me everyday. So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. Any opinions? "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". I cant understand why they arent questioning this. How can he just forget about his family? Wishing you the best, She manipulated the men that followed her to gas station. Im just saying that forgiving him will help you feel better. So made loads of effort to make her life more enjoyable. Military will have his butt for Infidelity. He has been gone for about six months now. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. We have an 18 month old boy as well. If he was the man for me he wouldnt of left me. I dont know what to do, pls I desperately need help. What Im trying to say is that it becomes about saving face. Very sad and bewildering for those of us in long term relationships. He is so cold and aloof it drives me crazy. Only her family and closest friends knew she was actually dealing with a devastating situation that is all too familiar to . He sent me a long message to me apologising . When it doesnt hurt anymore and you find your partners actions pathetic . He even deposited the 1st alimony early and as a (unrequested by me) convenience, closed my checking account and mailed a check to myour house to save me a trip to the bank! I dont temember- FYI Im in NJ. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. I do, and I dont. I dont make much but still slightly more than my husband and have been helping n financing for all . It sounds life a lot of work, but its not. I understand this. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. You see, self-help books offer a different kind of advice because they often offer exercises and other activities you can do to help make your life easier. Before too long the walks and talks became much more intimate and 8 months after we connected, she left her family. The first reason is practical and plausible; the latter can be a devastating blow to the heart and ego. Whens it supposed to get better? I love him and i have tried to do a lot to make him happy. I heard the words, She has characteristics of Down syndrome. But then, I saw my daughter with her big marble colored eyes and blonde hair. He wants to be there for me, still my bes friend and has so much respect for me. My husband of 32 years has just announced that he never loved me and is moving out. She is smart and healthy. To which I protested and she got off the phone with me. I dont know what to think anymore. Move on and dont look back you deserve better then that some times broken glass need to stay broke dont try to fix it sweep it up and throw it away GOD is gonna put your soul mate right in front of you bless you and Carrie on you dont need that to be in contact in front of your children.its her lost dont take her back eitherthen she win. My son just walked around crying this whole time. I get there and she pretends like nothings wrong. What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? I tried so hard to choke it all back as I rushed out of there. Let God have it. Im starting to think he has someone else but he says not I cant believe he would do this to me so am I just being paranoid because I cant accept that he just doesnt love me anymore or is it a possibility because it seems like he has somewhere else to go I thought we had a decent marriage. Then we were transferred to another state for his job. When I first left the security of my nuclear family, my house, and my marriage the world initially seemed so shaky and unstable. This has to be an affair right? !.Good By.I am trying to be happy but its not working.I dont know how a person could ever feel more lonely and empty and unhappy.Im trying.. Blog. After months and months of lies raising our daughter alone and pregnant I have birth to our son while in labor I drove myself to the hospital after my water broke he was in and out of the room on his phone texting talking etc well that very night I had my beautiful baby he was holding him while his guy friend came to visit well his phone went off and thats when I found out with my own eyes he had been lying and was with another girl. Are you real? This one has been definitely the hardest for me to deal with. They all go to the same school and population is 800 so no escape. He hasnt seen his children since he left,my daughter that is 22 wants nothing to do with him,she really wants to kick his butt.im having a hard time dealing with this, I cant believe he could do this to us he was a wonderful father and husband what makes a man do this? All 3 girls are Daddys girls. Then, i had to find a new job to support our family, while he hung out and looked online everyday for 3 months. He told me that mom was sucking on a can while they were on their way to pick up his friend for soccer practice and she was having a problem driving and stoped abruptly in subdivision well she was what learned later what is called huffing a can/ bottle of butane. We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. The pain is unbelievable and I am only struggling from day to day. I dont know how tomtell friends/ the kids, the family. Please pray for me. I have been abused by my father, I have been in relationships where I have been abused for many years. We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. Shortly after her I reconnected, she was diagnosed with cancer within the walls of her throat. We have tried marriage counciling but are in a state of wait and see. He called my 93 year old mother and told her he threw me out!! But as soon as the girls are home. There are other ways of finding things out, but that all depends on which boundaries you are willing to cross. I am going through something similar too. In terms of what I did, I was blind and did not see the signs. I have cried for months. I know we fought and that wasnt good for the kids but how can you just cut some one out of your life like shes done to me. I dont even know where to start now. We have kids high school age. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. What a way to throw a wrench in! She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. Hey there all. We made specific vows centered around this. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. They may view the depression as an anchor that will take you both down. Why hasnt society caught up with that? You can NOT continue to live this way, and I am so sorry you have been going through this. My cousins came with wine and food almost every weekend after the break-up. A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. I have being with him 5 years and we broke up once cause he didnt want kids. I will admit to being a bit of a pain Im a house wife and he would come home some nights and i would complain about something that happened at home during my day and it would cause a row because he felt as if I was always moaning at him. Knowing what to do when your husband abandons you, your wife picks up and leaves, or your partner suddenly calls it quits can be challenging. Im so confused, I dont know where to turn. I suspect someone else has caught his attention. Next day she goes to Illinois. Hurt beyond comprehension that this has been all calculated and the number of lies that had been told to me for I cant even imagine how long. I feel exactly the same as you Everyone says time. Men can be relentless and because they do not think off of emotions like us, they tend to see ours as silly. Please know that help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. And they spoke to their daughter over phone. I was told that the neurontin was developed for treatment of *epilepsy* but that in certain cases, it worked on excruciating pain. All the sudden a the end of the 30 days, he wanted to come home and go to counseling. It will get better. I asked him to leave her alone. I just want to say to everybody whos experienced this, I feel for you, I love you with all my heart and know youre not alone, and that there are people who really care. If it comes to the point of separation, at least the pain will be temporary. New Inside Mental Health Podcast Episode, Working moms cant have it all, but fitness expert and TV host Brooke Burke shares how they can have more on this episode of the Inside Mental Health. I think weve grown apart over the years but we still had a comfortable and affectionate relationship. Orr T. (2022). I lost everything, my marriage, my home, my family, my friends, my belongings my routine.I had just finished my career in the Army 27 years. Since he can just drop us like taking out the garbage. Thus year I received an anonymous email. We talked it over and he told me all the things I was doing wrong to make him unhappy I aired a few of my worried and decided actually nobody wanted to leave and we would put the year behind us and take it month by month and try to get back to the happy place we were in before the last year. Im questioning whether he really knows what love is xo I do. How do You recover or get over something like this??? Get on yur knees & Let him fight your battles. Former 20/20 News Host and Emmy Award Winner Elizabeth Vargas discusses media reporting on mental illness on this podcast episode, You can take this medically-reviewed PMDD quiz to help determine whether you have symptoms of PMDD and if you should speak with a mental health. You are trying so hard and are not getting the appreciation you deserve. They often beg not to go back and cry that they want to stay with me just one more night. There is no weekends off. She was my world and the greatest mother our children could ever ask for. Since that day my wife has changed. Be selfish. Hi Katelyn. I never was, I dont get it.
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